Falling off the wagon

Went to mom's yesterday. We were celebrating my brother's birthday (next Tuesday), my nephew Harry's birthday (he was 3 on the 22nd), my sister-in-law's birthday (was Oct. 8) and my baby's 1st birthday (next Friday). Didn't eat a lot, but had a regular lunch: asparagus, hard boiled egg, a little bread, tuna fish, some chicken and... cake... little dinner after that.

Wanted to go for a long run today to make up for it but woke up full of a head cold and run down so... no run today. Also *cheated* a little today... had a mandarin, a banana, some wholewheat toast and a salad for lunch and a little square of chocolate... and all this with no run... why am I so childish? Why can't I control myself? Shame on me :(

Paula's gym was presenting the teams today so we went. They put on a little show... it was great! She's doing so well, so neat and so *clean*... she loves it!

Spent the afternoon at home, only going over to the neighbour's for a while to play. Kids were hyper...

So, on the wagon again tomorrow I hope!

Nice little run

It is late again... 11:30 pm... it's been a good week at work. I'm so glad and happy about changing jobs or better said schools since I sort of do the same! I think (let me just whisper that...) I am starting to get to my 5s...let's hope so!

Just been for a run... 41:01, 3.24 miles (5.22k)... not bad... I'm happy with the time... it's getting better! I love the feeling I'm left with after running! I wore my new shoes only to find out they're too small for me :(... how on earth did that happen?

No working tomorrow (was supposed to) so that's good. Over to mom's to celebrate Harry's birthday (he was 3 yesterday), Carol's birthday (was Oct. 8) and my brother Dani's birthday (will be Oct. 27). Should be fun. Hope all kids behave!

Eating was good today too... was about to overdo it or have *forbidden* stuff but I didn't... yay for me!

Baby Pol decided to turn the water on in the bath and the shower started going... the bathroom was flooded and we all got soaked... ho-hum!

I'd love to scrapbook... I have no time... no worries... it'll happen, it's just a question/matter of time!

Life is good!

3rd rainy day in a row...

Yes... it's still raining... supposed to be getting better but kids were still kept inside because of the rain, so they were a bit hyper... it'll pass but while at it it's quite stressing.

I went for a 51:22 run yesterday... 4 miles exactly. So proud to have run for so long but I did have pain on my leg just as it happenned 3 years ago. My doc says not to worry about it. The weather's playing tricks on me... hopefully it's only that!

So, I'm going for it... building time and endurance. Speed will come in time... not really worried about it since I have lots of weight to lose and dragging it along doesn't make it easy!

Food wise... I had 3 forbidden things yesterday. I had a tiny sandwich in the am, had custard, a donut and a little chocolate... hopefully the run did the trick! Today I had rice for lunch which wasn't really allowed either but have been good otherwise. I hope all the effort is worth it and I see results.

I am very tired today and have a bit of a back ache but I ain't giving up. I'm meeting great people on dailymile that motivate me big time. I hope I stick to it. I can do this and must go for it!

Weighing in in the am... hoping for a loss!

Rainy day

It rained today... hadn't done so in ages so it was very much needed but of course... the kids didn't get any playground time and you could tell. Still it was a good day!

Went to my psychologist appointment today and it was great. Instead of being negative as usual, I was very positive. I'm feeling this way since I changed jobs... I work in a really nice atmosphere and you can tell. Helps with my mood! So the appointment was good. She said to see me a little later this time as she sees me progressing really well! Told her I have been eating well for a week and she was pleased to hear that and to see the effort I'm putting into it all.

Eating wise I did 2 *forbidden* things. One was have a tiny sandwich mid morning... I was hungry and that's what I felt like having and the other was a coffee after lunch that did me a lot of good... I wasn't hungry all afternoon! It's not like I over did it and had a bar of chocolate or anything... but it's the first day I have something "not" supposed to have. I feel good. I did weigh myself this am and that was a mistake because despite my being good, the scale showed 1 extra kilo... I didn't like that but then again I shouldn't weigh myself everyday or 2 days in a row for the matter. So, no more weighing until Friday and after that, until next Thursday (we're going away) and then until Tuesday because on Tuesday I'm seing the nutritionist! So there!

Work was good today. Had 12 5s missing... the class was heaven! It really went well. All classes were good today. I'm happy... I've realised I will do what I can. It's a challenge and I hope I get them to like my class and learn something. I'll try my best. If I excell, great, if not... tough. These kids have no limits or habits whatsoever. I have them an hour a day... no miracle can be expected, right???

Feeling good... was it that coffee???

Tired

It's been a good day but I'm tired... I guess my long run (for me) yesterday is sinking in, plus it's Monday, went to bed late... you get the picture, I'm sure!

I managed with my eating despite feeling really hungry and wanting to eat a little carb (just a slice of wholewehat bread) but I didn't, so I managed a week in a row... many more to come I hope!

Work was good today. Even the 5s behaved... what a blessing!

My kids have been great. I love them!

I did weigh myself this am and haven't lost any weight... that was a bit of a bummer to say the least... I am making a huge effort with the eating and I'm exercising... maybe next week! I've got to stick to it, that's for sure!

I'll keep blogging everytime I can!

It's late...

Here I am once more and it's late... 11:34 pm when I start typing this... should be in bed but... I just had my dinner so I need for it to go down a bit before I head that way.

Today was a very nice day... first, Pol slept the night through until 8:45! Then I went with Paula to run a kid's race in the am. After the race where we met her best friend whith whom she set off running and went way ahead of me, we went t0 the park with my in-laws. They all had a great time. I met a friend's mom and a coworker. We came home, we had lunch. Pol took a 3 1/2+ hour nap... we had to wake him up! Good thing is that he woke up 1 1/2 hours into it and went back to sleep! We spent the afternoon playing at home. Pol took a few steps on his own... he's growing fast!

And once everyone was in bed... I headed out for a run. It was late and cold but I went. Decided to go where I used to run 3 years ago. Lots of hills that made me really slow, but I did it. I ran for 50:22 and did 3.8 miles in that time... really slow but... I did it. Had run 0.96 miles in the am with Paula. A total of 4.44 miles this evening including warm up and cool down. Felt great... what a nice run! I am hoping that as I shift weight off, I'll get faster... fingers crossed! I don't intend to be an Olympian but I sure pretend to improve these times... although I'm proud of all I'm achieving... that speed is far from ideal... things at their own time I guess!

And well... the weekend is over... another busy weekend next week... working Sat. am and then gym teams presentations on Sun. Birthday party for 3 on Sat. afternoon... I'm tired only thinking about it, LOL!

Ok... another good day food wise... can't believe I'm sticking to it. I just hope I see results... my jeans did feel a bit more lose today... it'll be a long road... it'll be slow but it'll be the last time riding it, I hope!

Saturday...

So it's Saturday again... time flies... my oh my... and it's getting cold... finally fall is setting in... it was wicked hot last week, really hot and unusual but it's gone to normal now. It's only that it happened from night to day... no time to re-adjust... oh well... what to do!

Another good day yet despite an outing for lunch with lots of people. I was good... didn't do any extras, stuck to my healthy habits. I'm so proud... but I do have to admit it wasn't difficult either. I didn't feel the need to eat what they were eating or taste the crisps... all felt natural... I ate what I brought and that's it!

It is windy again... I went running yesterday and wasn't going to go today. Have to let my body recover. But there's a race tomorrow. I'm doing the kid's race with my eldest. About 2km only but at least a little run with her that will be lovely for sure! I will get a *proper* run in later on if I can!

Went shopping in the evening. My big guy has no *winter* clothes... he's grown soooooooo much... so I got him a couple of jeans and a couple of pyjamas. Rest to follow!

Off to bed now... been outdoors all day, had a lovely time but I'm exhausted now!

I'm doing it... I'm slowly getting there!

A good day

Today was a good day all in all. Once more I managed not to binge or eat anything *ilegal*, which for me is huge since I'm addicted to food and more so to junk food, sweets, pastries, etc. So it's been a 5 full days without any chocolate or sugar or sweets... only healthy stuff, fruit, vegs, lots of salads, lean protein (and scarce too), 0% yogurts and water. I have lost a tinsy bit of weight but slowly does it, I guess!

Best thing is that I managed to fit a run in today... boy was it a delight... I felt free, just like everytime I run... I love that feeling... also... I left all my stress on that run... simply awesome. I'm not fast, I'm not Kenyan or Ehtiopian but I run my own race at my own pace and that's good enough. About 8 weeks ago I couldn't even run 30 seconds straight and I run 34:50 today and 44:27 the other day! It was 2.78 miles today, slow but I did it. I got out there after a full week's work, after settling all 3 kids, after being tired. I'm proud I pushed myself to go. I loved it. The air is crispy now and running's better, you feel like moving to get warm!

The kids were *better* today (the ones at work that is) so that contributed to my having a better day too.

This won't be an easy journey. I do believe, despite everyone laughing at me, I am addicted to food. It is a problem to me but noone seems to find it important, of course... it's not their problem, it's mine. So, it won't be easy but it'll be done. I'm not here by chance I'm here because I got into this so I have to get myself out of it. There will be better and worse days... I'll have to learn to deal with it and when I slip, I'll have to pick myself up and start all over and not let myself slip for days, weeks, months or years, as I have before. Yes, I do have a thyroid issue that doesn't help, but binging and eating compulsively and unhealthy, doesn't help either.

I've always wanted to run a marathon. Make no mistake... I will run it... not yet, but I will. I know I can do it. It won't be at the Olympics, but it'll be my race and to me it'll be as important as being in the Olympics.

One more day, one less day!

Not an easy road...

Just a quick note (I think). Another successful day thus far... one more meal to go before bedtime but if I haven't spoiled it up to now, I should be good the rest of the day.

There were 3 birthdays at work today: chocolate cookies, cake, sweets, candy... you name it, there it was... but it stayed there when I passed... I didn't touch it. I didn't even feel like "OMG... this is too cruel... I need one", etc... so that was good!

But don't get me wrong... I would eat and eat and eat as much as I could of anything... I can really tell the lack of carbs on my diet is an issue. But it's all for the best... we'll reintroduce carbs slowly to have a healthy *diet*, eating a bit of everything, but now I need to take care of other things and other than a tiny little slice of brown bread at breakfast, no more carbs for me throughout the day! After all it's an effort and in a way... what's a little (wait, did I say little???) effort when you know it's going to do you a world of good????

Very very very windy here. Kids were uppitty. I have a terrible headache and it's gone cold from night to day. Days are getting shorter... well, you get the picture. I didn't get to run today either. My back's still not 100% plus that wind out there is horrible and uncomfy. I hope the wind calms down by tomorow so I can get out there and run... only I know how much I NEED that run!!!!

It's not going to be easy, noone ever said it would, but it's got to be done. And afterall I'm giving myself health and care so I've got to go for it!

Time for my 2 eldest to go to bed. Baby's been asleep for a while now :)

I can do it! I have to do it! I want to do it!

And another day....

Well, here I am... 3rd day in a row. Won't be able to post every day but I will every time I get the chance!

So this is another day without binging. Cravings have been scarce today, thank goodness! It's still not easy but it's an exercise I have to do. I want something and it'll cost me something... I won't lose what I've gained in like a year just overnight although I wish it could be!

No running for me today either. I pulled my back (at the top) this am and I'm finding it hard to keep my head in place. Hopefully it'll be all better tomorrow so I can get out and get my run in.

A not so good day at work today. Two of my groups gave me a really hard time. I felt so stupid, so useless, so nobody... one thing is having 3 or 4 badly behaved children in class, and the other is having 20 out of 25... while you're telling on off, or trying to talk to them, there's 19 more fussing and playing about... not easy... I was doing this awesome new method today in clas... noone paid attention, noone cared... it's so sad to see such young children with such lack of motivation or interest for anything... oh well... count to 100, or 1000 or more...

Kids are doing good. I'm so proud of them 3, love them to bits. They're a good reason for me to keep going!

Ok... so that's it for today... antoher successfull day eating wise. Here's to many more!

TTYS

Right on track

Hi again. I get the chance to update today again so... here I am!

Today was good... I didn't get a run in. I didn't manage to get up in the am and was way too tired in the evening to go running. It is very windy out there. I wonder if that's got anything to do with my mood and my tiredness... who knows...

Anyway... during the day I had no problem to control my eating. Even at work 3 different co-workers brought cookies, chocolate, croissants... it was all there... I simply ignored it and felt proud about it. But when I got home in the evening... I was hungry but after eating (healthy) I was still hungry... obviously it wasn't hunger but anxiety... I, somehow (still don't know how) managed not to give in. I didn't binge, I didn't eat anything *forbidden*... it's now time to go to bed almost and I've been good all day and have been able (most importantly) to overcome that moment when I was closer to crossing the line... I feel proud, very proud... I hope I manage to go all the way... it's not an easy road... it's quite a long one too but as everything, a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

So my second good day under the belt... it's supposed to get easier as I go along... let's hope it's true!

Note to self: I can do it!

The beginning of the end???

Hi! Here I am and hoping this time is for good...

I am starting this blog as I start a *new* life... a new way of living... healthier eating habits and exercising. This is it... I'm fed up of being and feeling fat and ugly. I believe I've got a lot to offer but I'm not confident enough. Enough is enough... I'm fed up of hiding. I'm fed up fo not wanting to do anything. I'm fed up of not fitting into clothes. I'm fed up of being fed up really so it's time for action (about time I'd say...)

I started back on C25K (a running program, Couch to 5K, that's supposed to get you off the couch and running 30 minutes nonstop) in mid August. I am 50lbs overweight at this point so I wasn't quite sure it'd work out, but... it has... I have graduated and last night I run for 44:27 nonstop... I didn't go a very long distance... it was a total of 3.33 miles running and then up to 3.95 adding the warm up and cool down walks. I'm loving running again. Speed will come as I lose weight (I hope). And what's most important... I managed to run all that time yesterday... PAIN FREE, yes... no pain whatsoever and loved every minute of the run... I just feel free!

As for eating habits, I saw a nutritionist and he gave me a few guides. Wants to me to NEVER be hungry... forbidden for me to be hungry so I'm to eat every 2.5/3 hours so I'm trying to see what happens! It will take a huge effort on my behalf... I'm such a foodaholic and a chocoholic but I need to get my eating under control. My thyroid isn't helping either, so that's another battle for me. I'm hoping we'll get it under control soon and all will be easier.

I do have to believe in myself though and know I can do it and it'll happen. I've had wonderful encouragement from dailymile.com and C25K as well as Sparkpeople. I have wonderful friends who believe in me so I better not let them down, or let myself down for the matter.

So this is it... here I go... I hope I get to my goal of losing 50lbs and running a bit further and faster!

If anyone's reading... thanks! :)