I went for a run!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woohoo! I can say it louder, WOOHOO!!! But not clearer!

Gosh did it feel good... I put Pol in bed at 8:15pm since we had a very last night the night before. Paula and Jan were in bed at 8:30 and I headed out... perfect time too! I walked to the start point, as usual and then set off... I thought of running "the" distance of my regular run but if I had to stop, I would. I couldn't believe I made it to the end in almost the same time as my last run over a month (maybe 2) ago. But the best... I felt so great, it was awesome! I had some *me* time and I ran... the perfect combination, plus at a decent hour which made me have dinner at a decent hour and got to bed at a decent hour, which proves it can be done :)

I had a shower that felt like Heaven and had a healthy dinner too... what's up with me? Could it be? Finally seing a change... it was about time too, right?

I weighed myself this am. To my surprise I haven't put any weight on, I've even lost a little :o Needless to say, that's encouraging! So I have I've taken off and it's a brand new start!

I think my pshychologist is guiding me the right way. I feel less "mad/annoyed", I find myself a lot more friendly, I don't shout as much and after yesterday's run I'm full of energy... also... LAST DAY OF WORK!!! I think that plays an important rol too! :p

So... off to leave a decent class for the teacher in September and hoping the weather holds up (it's cloudy and cooler today which is a present!) and I can go for another run or a walk, whichever but just to get moving!

I got RUN by feel by Matt Fritzgerald (sp?) on the mail a couple of days ago. My SP friend Nancy was talking about it on FB and how great it was, so I bought it through Amazon and I'm loving it. Only just started it but seems good. Also purchased a few more on Weds through Amazon again, hopefully they're just as good and I can't wait to have them here!

I did it! I did it! I did it!

Feeling good!

So, I had my appointment yesterday and it went great. He really is a great guy and means business, he really knows what he's talking about which is a great motivator as I can see myself getting better in the long run (cause it's going to be long, but hey... don't I want to run a marathon ;) ?) It's surprising (to call it somehow) how people see you and how you see yourself. He told me he saw me very "dicotomic", all back or all white whereas I always think there are infinite shades of gray... makes you think! He also gave me advice on this, that and the other... very interesting!

Toni took Paula and Jan to the beach. His sister's here with her 3 daughters and they spent the afternoon together. Hey had a blast... they *used* the afternoon and loved it! In the meantime, I left Pol with our awesome baby sitter. He had a blast and says he wants to go back! He'll actually see her again tomorrow afternoon! Having them "occupied" was good for me to relax and be 100% at the appointment instead of thinking how Toni would be coping with all 3 kids in the evening, being tired and cranky and locked in the house!

Kids went to bed late but surprisingly enough woke up great this morning. I love my kids and I'm so proud of them all!

Hoping for a run tonight. I rained a lot yesteday plus it was very late by the time the kids were in bed, but if the weather holds up for me I'll surely get out there and enjoy the ride!

2 more days...

And I'm on HOLIDAY for a month!!! Can't wait... I need to rest and in order to do that I'll have to have the kids do something so I get time on my own... I think I very much needed!

Summer School is over on Friday and although I was extremely lazy yesterday I feel ok now but ready for it to be over. The children have learnt lots of English, which was the purpose and I'm happy with the outcome. I have been quite the "witch" as I have very difficult children but they still love me as I have shown them where the limit is and they always like that.

We went to the weekly mommies meeting yesterday. Only another mom and I with our toddlers. Paula came along too. It was great chatting to her and have Paula play and entertain the little ones!

Pol's doing great, outgoing, singing, peeing in the potty... he's lovely!

Jan's ear infection has now brought a cold out and is a bit on the down side, so he's like a huge huggable teddy!

Paula's on the go, upside down all the time, doing lots of gymnatics in the house, in the garden... just wherever and she can't wait to train again (that's August 30th)

Me, I'm seing the pshychologist today, not ready for him to dig down inside but I guess it needs doing!

Hoping to get back on my training. I miss it and I so need it!

Paula's gymnastics "show"

So, last night was the last day of the season. No more training for Paula until August 30th. We'll receive a letter telling us what her group is for the next season and the schedule too! So, to bid farewell to the season they did an exhibiton. It was great! Paula did 4/5 different dances... I'm so proud of her. They announced her group (not only her, but the group with 5-8 year old girls) as the "promises/future" of the gym. She did awesome and what's best, she really enjoyed it! She's sad it's over for a month but I'm sure it'll be here before we know it!

Jan stayed with Toni's parents since he doesn't like gymnastics and gets bored... it's not fair to have him sit down for +1,5 hours. We took our baby sitter along and she went to the park wîth Pol so that we could watch Paula, it would have been impossible otherwise! 2 of Paula's friends, Ada and Cèlia came to watch... she was sooooooooooo excited. She loves having people come watch!

It was a huge success. We'll miss going to the gym in Summer but it will also be a nice break indeed :p Paula's been training this am in the house, so no going to the gym, but we'll be seing lots of gymnastics around the house :)

We got home around 10:30 pm and Pol was pooped. He had a little to eat and then, HE asked to go to bed... what a lovely moment... I couldn't believe it... he's growing up soooooooooo fast! Plus he's peed in the potty all morning... nappy dry... he's incredible! I'm soooooooo in love! Paula and Jan were pooped but didn't want to go to bed, but we said it was bed time and we hadn't left the room that they were both snoring, LOL!

More on my plate

So, in case I didn't have enough and while I'm still doing nothing I am now thinking of doing a tri, the Garmin Barcelona Triathlon on Oct. 17th on the SUPERSPRINT level, 400m swim, 9,6km bike and 2,5km run... not bad to begin with... I could do the SPRINT in 2011 and then the OLYMPIC in 2012... not a bad plan at all... but as I said... I work full time, I am studying full time, I am a mom full time... geez... tiring only thinking about it. Finding out about the tri though, brought a little spark to my motivation, yes, the one I've been looking for for a while, so that might be just what I needed. I really think I need to get going. It all depends on me, just me... I gotta give that first step and keep going and not looking back, only ahead... sounds easy, right? Well... it really isn't...

Paula's end of term gymnastics "show" is tomorrow... it's bittersweet... it's been a great season, one that will most likely never happen again. Still... we got it and it's been great! Can't wait to see all the exercises they have ready!

Off on a daytrip tomorrow to Torroella de Montgrí, to El Museu de la Mediterrània. The group isn't quite the best, lots of kids and lots of difficult ones too but I'm sure we'll have a great time. "Only" 17 kids next week... but none of the difficult ones are going... oh well... only 4 days to go and then... a month's holiday, yay!

Exhausted, off to bed... went to the psychologist today to hand in the tests he asked for. Appt is next Weds, we'll see what happens. Hopefully he can give me that push I need! Him and then it's me, just depends on me... come on Jacky... take that first step... what the heck are you waiting for???

Holy smokes...

I haven't updated in a while... oh my...

So... it's still extremely hot, I'd say unbearable, disgusting... I just can't tolerate the heat, then again, it's Summer and that's what it has!

Kids are great. Paula's end of season show at gymnastics is on Friday. No more training then until August 30th! She's doing great. Lost her 3rd tooth on Friday and her 4th this am, so now at age 7 (almost and 1/2) she's lost her 4 middle bottom teeth! It's been exactly a year since she lost her second... her 2 top middle ones are moving too but I hope they don't fall yet, LOL! The tooth fairy is too busy to visit now!

Jan is our little angel... he's so good and so easy going. A bit stubborn at times. He's the one in the middle (like me) so keeping an eye on him, and trying to make him feel super special always. He's being very lovely and demanding mommy, so he's had mommy all to himself! He's enjoying Summer School very much and he's now swimming on his own, no arm bands needed anymore!

Pol's "exploting", he's such a joy... a handful too but getting better and better. We're starting to see "results" from our being so ferm. He now reacts to "no". He's talking lots, understands everything, loves to dance and sing... he's simply adorable! Get along great with his siblings... they love each other very much, it's really nice! He's also peeing in the toilet :o, my smart little boy!

We went to moms yesterday. Dad's not well... he's really gone backwards since he was last admitted in hospital for a pneumonia. He's in a bad mood, he's cranky, he's lots weight again... plus what's worse, mom's getting really "fed up"... it's taking a toll on her... don't really know what's best to do. We were able to take a dip in the pool both before and after lunch. The kids had a whale of a time. It was great. Even little cousin Harry joined in and loved it! It was really nice. Jan showed my how he jumps in the water, how he puts his head under, how he swims without armbands... a very exciting day!

As for me... Summer School is going well, only 2 weeks to go, 9 working days, one of which is a day trip! We went to Molló Parc on Friday (www.molloparc.com) and loved it. Will go with my family one day of the holidays... a great animal parc with lots of space and really well done!

I told my doc I could not afford going to therapy in Barcelona once a week plus a visit once a month. She referred me to a psychologist here in Girona and saw him on Thursday. So good to know I'm in good hands! I really liked him and he seems to know (after a long chat) where the problem is so hopefully I'm on the mend. Will need lots of willpower on my behalf but then again, noone said it's be easy!

Have been feeling extremely tired these days... would sleep all day. Not nice. No motivation at all. Haven't run since July 4th on that awful race. Hope I can get out there even if it's only for a walk tomorrow or anytime this week. I have to!

I signed up for a 10k on August 8th to motivate me, so far, nothing's happened... there's a 8.1k this coming Sunday... thinking about it. It might make me get out there too!

I can, I can, I can!

@ emotional eating

Just read an article about... I felt as if who wrote it was describing me... spooky. But it ended this way and I liked it:

"Keep believing in yourself. You have so much power to make your dreams come true. You can do it!" from (www.innerself.com/Health/emotional_eaters.htm)

And whats the title of my blog??? Spooky too... so here I come... I CAN DO IT!!!

Saturday

So... first full week of Summer School is over. It's gone great so far despite a large group and some very "tough" children to deal with. We went on a day trip yesterday to a potato chip factory and then lunch at a huge park. The kids loved it! So did I, LOL!

Paula and Jan are loving their Summer School at uni too. It is really well organized and they get to do lots of activities and have lots of fun too! They're going on a daytrip on Thursday to Sant Martí d'Empúries... should be fun. It's a "photography" day for them... we'll see how that goes!

Pol's being a handful as usual but extremely cute and adorable when he's not getting into mischief! He's really lovely and is kissing and hugging us all the time... what a sweetie! He babbles a lot in between words we understand... I'm sure that deep down in his mind he's talking to us and he thinks we understand, LOL! He's been napping for 3.5 hours now... I think I should wake him up...

Toni took Paula and Jan to the pool as I stayed home with Pol... having a toddler and having to follow some schedules is like this. We didn't mind having to "split up" for a while. The kids loved the idea... it's soooooooooo hot and they so ask to go swimming... so I stayed and fed Pol and put him down for his nap and off they went and came home feeling nice and fresh after 2 hours! Pol ate great for me and went down for his nap with no problem as usual. Paula swam like a fish, loving it, being careful like she is but doing great. It was the first swim with daddy in Girona and Jan, who started swimming without arm bands (only a little) at the end of last Summer, decided to try... he did awesome... I'm sooooooooooo proud of my little man! He's so cute... and he's so proud himself... he also puts his head under water and loves diving. Poor thing says he can't wait to show me. We'll go to mom's next Saturday, we'll swim in the pool and he can then show me!

Went out for a coffee this am and Paula told me she wants to be moved to an "upper" group at gymastics. Obviously that's not in my hands. I told her to keep training as hard as she's training and if she does good and keeps improving they'll see where they put her. Baby steps as always! But a great sign!

Extremely hot, unbearable... sweating like a pig, can't get motivated to go running... not good, but seing little lights at the end of the tunnel... hopefully keeping my head above water and moving forward!

Cursa de La Maquinista

It's Sunday. Got up at 6:30 am, showered, got dressed and headed to Barcelona. Got there at 8:10 approximately. Parked and headed to get my bib number and race bag. Changed into the t-shirt they gave me and got ready to start. Upon arriving it was nice and cool and even breezy but at the start of the race it was very hot and humid. Lots of people there, streets were on the narrow side. We set off and I just wasn't with it. I passed the 5K mark at 34:15, not good. I did feel better after though and the next couple of ks felt great but then it was hotter and hotter, lots of uphills... my body wasn't responding. I walked for a total of under 2 minutes in 3 times. Got to the finish in 1:10:24 (pathetic to say the least, then again, another finish!) and to my surprise there was NO water left... I couldn't believe it! I got 2 cans of Aquarius and gulped one down in one go! Lined up to get the sandwich we were given but after waiting for very long and getting nowhere and seing how chaotic it all was I decided to just go, so, no sandwich for me, no yogurts and no chocolate milk. I did buy myself a coffee before jumping in the car and coming back home through a very crowded mortorway.

So, I'm exhausted, no happy with the result, then again, it's another 10K under my belt. Obviously, not training has had it's consequences!

Off for a nap while Pol let's me!

Long time, no update...

So, here I am... I wanted to blog ages ago but I just have no time, so now that I have a minute I'll try to explain what's been happening!

First off, Friday last week I went for a run and it felt like Heaven... I loved every minute of it despite the heat. It was a slow run but a run nontheless. Altogether with warmup and cooldown I did 7.4K, not bad!

Then on Saturday we headed to Portaventura, an amusement park in Tarragona, about 2 hours drive from here. It's a great place and had a great time! We were there from 12pm to 12am!!! The kids had a blast, so did we! Pol was great, never had to use the baby safety harness! He walked a lot and did great! BTW, the photos are from our day at the park. My 3 beauties, Paula&Pol, Jan&Pol, my 3 angels again and Paula and Jan having fun in the canoes!

On Sunday we rested... woke up at 10:30. Pol started having nightmares, or so we thought and for a few days he didn't want to go to sleep and he was screaming like crazy. He'd wake up the same way... maybe he was overexcited or he was "shocked" of all he saw, but we seem to be back on the good path, fingers crossed! He then got really congested and couldn't breathe so he's on cortisone plus 2 inhalers. He's a champ though! He banged his eyebrow on the table on Weds and it swell like crazy, now it looks as he's wearing makeup, LOL! He's extremely cuddly and lovely but he's still very restless although adorable!

I went to the doctor in Barcelona on Tuesday. As I have been saying (and suspecting) all along, I do have an eating disorder... I'm an emotional eater. It will be a life time *battle* but hey at least I'm in good hands now. It is going to be hard. I have no control, nothing new as I've stated that before many-a-time but I'm determined to do something about it. I will need help and lots of willpower but I know I can do it. It really only depends on me but every little help I can get will be extremely helpful! I'm a kind of addict... only that addicts have to stop whatever they're addicted to but I can't stop eating or else I'd die. I do have to avoid risk situations, not easy, specially in Summer but it needs doing. Can I? Of course I can, yes, I can! So, there you go... so many diets, so many doctors when the problem is in my head... better late than never I guess!

I went for a run Weds this week... awesome to say the least. A tad faster than my last run (same route) although it was even hotter but loving the feeling of freedom!

Started Summer School on Thursday. I have quite a few kids. 20 this past week, 22 the following, 25 the next, 24 the other one and 17 the last... I do deserve it! Although the "heavy" kids are there ALL month, among them last 17, LOL! But so far it's great fun. Enjoying it very much. A nice group. Lots of new kids but loving it. My helper is great and we get a long very well. The other teachers are great and we make a wonderful team, even if I say so!

Extremely hot today. Pol slept until 9:20am... talk about a gift! Paula and Jan slept until then too! Easy morning just going out to get a few things. Late afternoon we headed to the park. Paula wanted to try to ride her bike without the little wheels at the back... she's almost there! We had a great time. The sun started going down and in the end it was only us at the park. Got home, I bathed all 3 at the same time for the first time. It was great. Fed the kids and... in bed!

Racing in the am. Last race of the *season*. I'm racing in Barcelona. It's a 10K... it will be VERY hot, hopefully the organization thinks twice and puts sponges or an extra water station or showers at like K3/8 (it's a 2 loop race). I will take an extra bottle of water with me just in case! I don't know what will happen. I haven't been training really but I really feel like going so I will. It is 11 pm now. Have to get up at 6, so I better get some zzzz's. Hopefully Pol keeps sleeping through the night... what a difference it makes!

It's a hot Summer and it will be the Summer of change for me. At least I'll try!